How to Process the Pain of Grief - Rachel Devine

Grief is part of life. Everything that lives will eventually die. This is the cycle of life and death. However, this fact does not make the grief less painful.

We lost an amazing priest in our community, Father Richard Zuk, and his funeral was this week. He was only 50 years old. I knew him to be a kind person with a big heart. It was a very sad funeral mass, with many people trying to make sense of his death. As I was driving to the cemetery for the priests’ funeral with a friend, my brother called to tell me my cousin Robert had died. Robert battled a long four years of pain and suffering with cancer. He really wanted to live, but God had other plans. I was his champion, by his side to pray for his recovery and put out prayer requests, but God had another plan. Robert’s faith was unwavering and I know how much he loves God. I felt bad because I was meaning to call him in the last few weeks; the last time I spoke to him was a few months ago. I believe he died at home.

My friend said at the funeral for the priest that he was numb, as I felt the same way on Tuesday with all that was transpiring with two fine men dying. As I struggled to make sense of it all, I knew I had to process the grief, so I started to review ways I learned in the past to sit with grief and feel the feelings. The same process I write about and tell others in my coaching to use. I also knew that if I didn’t process the grief now, it would come back out of left field in the future as a major trigger with painful emotions much worse than what I feel now.

So, I stopped being busy yesterday, sat with the painful feelings, and allowed myself to feel the pain of grief and cry. Crying is cleansing and part of grieving. My friend said a long time ago, “In order to heal, we have to sit and feel the pain.” Now, who wants to feel the pain? I know I don’t, but I do know that feeling the pain of grief is crucial for inner healing. Pain cannot be pushed away, it gets buried deep within and will come out some time in the future when we least expect it.

So I took the steps I tell others to take. I started journaling about how I felt about both of these men, and it helped put some clarity on the grief. At least I was connecting to the painful loss and not ignoring it or stuffing the feelings deep within. I also spoke about my grief to a friend. As the saying goes, “We are only as sick as our secrets.” Therefore, talking about grief is very therapeutic.

So to recap, journal about your feelings, sit with the feelings of grief, talk to people about it, and allow yourself time to ponder the grief and cry. Crying is therapeutic and part of the grieving process. Give yourself at least a week to process the grief, and longer if needed. It’s okay to be sad, in fact, it is a great way to healing the pain.

And the final component is prayer. I pray every morning, and I each morning I would pray for my cousin Robert’s recovery to good health. This morning, I had to pray for his soul. It made me very sad that my prayers turned from life to death. What I learned is not my will, but God’s will prevails. For whatever reason that is beyond my comprehension, God called back Father Zuk and Robert Bernard to be with Him. I can pray for the grief-stricken family and these two men's souls to enter eternal life. I can also pray that God grant me the process of grieving at this time, with the comfort of knowing that the Spirit of God that dwells in all of us is there for my comfort and support. And remember the death and resurrection of Christ, with His promise of eternal life and hope for all who went before us.

Rachel Devine

Devine Intervention - Inner Healing Center.

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