First Date Advice

You conquered the online dating or you met someone at an event and now you have your first date. First dates can be intimidating. Our minds replay other failed first dates and convince us, before we leave the gate, that this one will be the same. Don’t fall into that negative way of thinking. Each first date is as different as there are grains of sand.

I will give you some good first date advice for guys, as well as first date advice for ladies, in order to help you navigate your next first date.

Your State of Mind is Everything: You want to go into your first date with a positive state of mind. What I used to do is view the first date simply as meeting a new friend for the first time. It takes the pressure off of the typical first date jitters. It brings one to a calm and more manageable feeling of peace. Just view your first date as a time when you are meeting a new friend for the first time. If it works out that there is a mutual interest for a second date, that is great, if not you met a new friend.

Meet at the designated place: Always meet at the place you both decide on. Don’t get into his or her car. You really don’t know the other person and you are asking for trouble. I have a friend who allowed a man to pick her up and wound up getting attacked in his car. I also have a male friend who had an incident in a car with a woman. I can’t stress enough how dangerous getting in someone’s car can be. Keep yourself safe and let someone know who you are meeting and where you are meeting. It’s just a safety measure that in this day and age is wise.

Dress to Impress: First impressions are lasting impressions. You want to dress to impress. I suggest you wear an outfit that is flattering and makes you feel comfortable and confident. Don’t overdo it. Business casual is usually fine for a coffee date or even a dinner date. Or a nice pair of jeans with a trendy shirt.

Meeting: If you are meeting for lunch, dinner or just drinks, don’t over-do drinking. I went out with a guy who had 4 beers in less than 2 hours on a Saturday afternoon and honestly made me very uncomfortable. If you are nervous about the date, drinking will only make it worse. I say, moderation in everything, especially on a first date. Some people like short coffee dates in case there is no connection. And others like to have dinner on a first date.

First Date Conversation Tips: What to talk about on a first date? There are some general rules on first date conversation. One is, never mention your ex-partner. Second one is, don’t dominate the conversation. Try to make it balanced and easy flowing. Don’t bombard your date with a litany of questions. Keep it casual. As a rule of thumb, keep the conversation on a positive note. You don’t want to talk about a recent death in the family or a tragic accident or work issues. You want to get to know each other and see if there are common interests, so steer the conversation in that direction.

Communication after the date: If you had a good time you can convey that by text or a phone call the next day. It’s nice to relay a thank you note. However, if you are not interested in the person, you can be upfront and just say, it was so nice meeting you, not sure we are a good match, I wish you the best. Or we can be friends if you like. Whatever you decide, I maintain being upfront and honest is the best policy. If you both clicked and decide to go on a 2nd date, that would be a bonus.

Dating Etiquette: When the date ends, usually there is some connection, whether it is a hug, a kiss on the cheek or a regular kiss. Or you can just say, “I enjoyed our time together, have a good night.” I always let the man take the lead here, although women like to also be in the lead role. However, a good relationship is when a man is allowed to be the masculine energy and convey that energy on a date. And guys, if you like the woman then you can go in for a kiss or a hug, but if you don’t plan on seeing her again, that would give off mixed messages. In the end, the man should be the one to make a move, if he chooses to.

In conclusion, I want to say, I can’t emphasize enough, that the key to a great first date is your state of mind. Being positive will reap positive results. Negativity will reap a negative first date. Therefore, go into your first date relaxed, confident and positive and remember, you are meeting a new friend for the first time.

Rachel Devine is the author of, Lessons from the Needle in a Haystack. Become a Magnet for True Love. This is a valuable handbook for dating.