Why is Pet Grief so Painful? The Answer will Shock you - Rachel Devine
When I lost my dog Luke back in 2018, my whole world came crashing down around me. The emotions associated with the grief were, at times, unbearable. The question is, why is pet grief so painful? Why is it more devastating to lose a pet than a parent? The answer may shock you. I have come to learn so much about pet grief that is astounding. Let’s look at pet grief in details.
Your grief is valid
The loss of a beloved fury animal, a member of your family, can be devastating for many people. Your grief is valid. You connected with a bond that is very real with your fury friend, and the departure is very sad. The more we loved, the more we grieved. However, some people cannot understand this grief. When I was mourning the loss of my own dog for over 6 months, a friend said, “Shouldn’t you be done grieving by now?” She didn’t understand. The pain was overwhelming when my dog died, and it took 8 months of grieving to feel better. The key is to not get wrapped up in other people’s opinions and know that your grief is valid and that there is no timetable for grief. I suggest you be gentle with yourself at this time.
Process the grief
It is imperative to process the grief for your own well-being. If you don’t process the grief, it will come out of left field in the future and be more devastating than it is now. A good start to processing your grief is to reach out to other people who have lost a pet that you can relate to. People who have been through grief can provide a sense of comfort and understanding of your grief. They can offer you sympathy and their own techniques for dealing with their loss. The more you grieve now, the better you will feel later on. Talk about your grief, and if necessary, get a grief counselor who can help you with the grief process. Talking about the grief and journaling about it are two great ways to process the grief.
The Origin of Pet Grief
So why does it hurt so much when our furry friends die? Believe it or not, the answer lies in our childhood. As little children, most of us did not get all the nurturing a child needs. We may have been from a broken home, an abusive home, or one with great dysfunction, alcoholism, drug addiction, or perhaps sexual abuse. These types of homes make it hard for a little child to get their fundamental needs met of love, security and nurturing. There is a void within of not getting our needs met in childhood that carries into adulthood. There is a void within that is yearning to be filled with love as an adult. Some of us fill the void with addictions and compulsive behaviors like food, shopping, alcohol, drugs, and other addictions. And others fill the void with their pets' love. The unconditionally loving pet filled the void within, whether you realized it or not. Your pet was there to give you love, comfort, support, and security—all the things you may not have gotten in childhood. When your pet dies, part of your inner child dies along with the pet and that love, comfort, support and security is now gone. The pain can be devastating. You finally filled the void within with an unconditionally loving pet, and now it’s all gone! The pet’s death triggers grief for the pet, but it also subconsciously triggers grief for the wounded inner child.
Filling the void
Having this awareness of the inner child dilemma is priceless because it gives you a clear understanding of why your pain is so real. And with understanding come solutions. Filling that void within yourself will help you feel better. You don’t want to fill the void with addictions to numb the pain, because if you don’t grieve now, it will come back to haunt you. You can fill the void with exercise, journaling, and self-care. Taking a walk, bike riding, playing tennis, dancing, whatever you enjoy doing that will help you move is going to benefit you. These are positive ways to healing. Now is the time to love your inner child and treat him or her with much kindness and love. Self-love is key to filling the void within.
Reparenting your inner child
At a certain point, you can remember a time in childhood where you needed love, comfort, and security, and in a visualization, go back to that time and sit with your inner child. Visualize everything about your inner child. At that point, you can give your inner child all the love, comfort, and security he or she needs to feel secure and happy. The more you can fill the void with love, the more it will help you with processing the grief. Perhaps you can journal about what your inner child needs and then give them the love and support they need. Remember, your inner child is grieving the loss of your pet in a way that is vulnerable. Be the parent for that inner child and shower him or her with love. Doing this visualization is one layer of the grief that can be healed, as you move along with your grief process.
God and prayer
In times of grief our higher power can be source of much comfort. Staying in prayer and in God’s love is a great way to offer yourself self-care. Perhaps your place of worship has a grief meeting you can attend or you might want to form your own grief meeting. Staying in a community of like-minded people will help your healing process from the grief.
In conclusion, pet grief can be overwhelming, but understanding the origin of the pain and taking steps to grieve the loss will help you on your way to inner healing. Remember, time is the healer of all wounds, and at a certain point you will feel better. Trust the grief process and keep forging ahead with healing.
The rainbow bridge is an online community of people who are grieving the loss of a pet and can offer you much support.
The rainbow bridge is a way to honor your pet and get support too.
This is a hotline for those who need to talk with someone about pet grief.
Pet loss 24-hour hotline: 1-800-946-4646.
Rachel Devine’s new book, Discover the Power of the Secret Within: Healing Your Inner Child to Manifest Your Dreams, is on Amazon now and will help you come to terms with the wounded inner child. There is a whole chapter on grieving the loss of a pet. This book makes a great holiday gift.
Devine Intervention: Inner Healing Center