Ways to Accept the Things You Cannot Change - Finding Inner Peace - Rachel Devine

Acceptance is the key to serenity. When we can accept the things we cannot change, especially the things that are not within our control, then we can achieve inner peace. However, acceptance can be hard, especially when it comes to a family member. Watching a loved one drown in drug addiction or someone we love live an unhealthy lifestyle can be hard. And yet, I have to emphasize that we only have the power to transform our own lives.

Let's look at ways to accept the things we cannot change.

Acceptance

Acceptance means acknowledging, rather than resisting, our present reality, including difficult emotions, people, and external events. As addiction treatment expert Steven Hayes said, "Acceptance is about seeing things as they actually are in the present moment."

Acceptance is not passivity. We simply stop fruitlessly trying to control uncontrollable things. The more useful approach is to channel energy into transforming what we can change. Make no mistake about the fact that the only person you can change is yourself. Accepting that will help you come to terms with the turmoil in trying to change someone else.

Let Go and Let God

When faced with situations we cannot control or change—a loved one's choices, another driver's behavior, the loss of a job—practicing acceptance rather than struggling against what is happening provides a pathway to serenity. Sometimes the way to acceptance is letting go and letting God take over. We have the choice to hand our loved ones or the situation over to our higher power, or, as I call Him, God. We can wrap that person or situation in a favorite blanket and mindfully hand them over to your higher power for support, guidance, and grace. If you are a prayerful person, you can say a prayer for the situation in order to put some positive energy into it. This gives you a sense of peace as you slowly realize that letting go will bring serenity. Don’t feel guilty for letting go of a situation you can’t control. Your choice is valid. Motivational quotations can also help you find ways to let go.

Cultivating Acceptance

Here are strategies to start embracing acceptance:

• Get curious - Observe your feelings and urges to control situations. Is trying to control the situation a way to alleviate stressful feelings that are overwhelming you?

• Focus on what you can control - Rather than lamenting what’s outside your control, redirect efforts towards helpful actions within your power.

• Let go of judgment - Release judgments about yourself, others or events being “wrong.” Sometimes what goes wrong has a lesson built-in that is priceless.

• Let go of the guilt you might feel for letting go. Just know in your heart that you are doing the right thing for everyone involved.

Embrace your Feelings

Make a list of what you are struggling with accepting, and also make a list of what you have control over to change. You will quickly see that you only have control of your side of the street. Once you make the list, you can start to work on changing what you can and letting go of what you can't change. Also, start to look at things to be grateful for in the situation. Being in a state of gratitude helps us find peace with the situation. I suggest you practice gratitude daily. Give thanks for any positive outcomes, including lessons and opportunities for growth for yourself. This breeds perspective and ultimately leads to finding happiness.

And remember, if someone has to learn a valuable lesson, sometimes the only way to do that is to hit rock bottom. Trying to stop someone from hitting their bottom in life is equivalent to trying to stop God from doing His job. We all have a higher power to guide and protect us as we journey through life. Be trusting in life's process, as we can almost always see the blessing in disguise. When a person hits rock bottom the only place to go is up. You can also visualize the desired outcomes with positive thinking. Imagine goals manifesting smoothly without you having to force or control the process.

Prayer

When all else seems to fail, prayer is the calming power within. Prayer is a common practice to let go of the thing you can’t control and put you in a peaceful state. I believe the power of prayer can work wonders. When you are in prayer, you relinquish control of the situation, but still put blessings on what you would like to see a positive outcome for. It’s a great way to find some peace. The serenity prayer is a great tool that has so much wisdom and helps put perspective on situations.

The Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Through mindful surrender, rather than frustration over what we cannot change, we tap into an expansive peace, faith, and inner freedom. Remember, it's progress you are looking for in this situation, not perfection.

In the immortal words of Ovid, "By yielding, you may obtain victory."

Rachel Devine is the author of The Third Road, a book that gently guides one to the power within and their purpose in life, and Lessons from the Needle in a Haystack, a spiritual book on dating and relationships.

Devine Intervention - The Healing Center website.

Please leave your ideas in the comments. Or please also feel free to contact me.