How to Overcome Abandonment Issues from Childhood. - Rachel Devine
Fears arise in adulthood from our inner child experiences. These fears can stop one from moving forward in many areas of life, but especially in relationships. Abandonment fears, such as an excessive need for closeness and panic about rejection, often originate from childhood abandonment issues. Early experiences profoundly shape our attachment styles and ability to trust in relationships. When you start a relationship with someone and they suddenly stop calling or texting you, intense fear may set in. That fear is what comes from the inner child being triggered by some childhood incident of abandonment from the past and has traveled into your adulthood. Some fears are from emotional or physical childhood abandonment. Let’s look into this a little deeper.
How Childhood Abandonment Fears Develop
Many factors can contribute to an insecure-anxious attachment pattern, but here are a few examples:
Physical abandonment by a parent through death, divorce, or neglect.
Emotional unavailability from a depressed, addicted, or distracted caregiver.
Harsh, conditional love that makes a child feel worthless and unlovable.
Unpredictable care that keeps a child perpetually anxious about being alone.
Being put in a group home and taken away from your family.
Living with a parent with an addiction like alcohol or drugs.
Having to become the caretaker at an early age of one or both of your parents.
Having to caretake siblings because of parental abandonment.
These are just a few ways a person develops fears of abandonment in childhood that cause blocks in adult relationships. These blocks can cause havoc. When reliable warmth and protection are missing during a child's vulnerable first years, intense abandonment fears can develop in the subconscious mind.
Signs of Abandonment Issues
Even in adulthood, old wounds may show up as:
Extreme distress or rage when a partner is unavailable.
Clinginess and fear of being alone.
Testing for loyalty and a constant need for reassurance.
Low self-worth and the belief that others will inevitably leave.
Jumping from one relationship to the next for fear of being alone.
Getting into bad relationships just to be in a relationship.
Fears sometimes morph into intense anger if one feels abandoned in a relationship.
Intense anger towards a partner that wants to leave a relationship.
How to Overcome childhood abandonment issues
Acknowledge the roots of these fears without judgement. Be compassionate toward the hurt inner child who adapted to uncertainty in whatever manner they could. With awareness and commitment, new neural pathways form when you can turn the fears around. A good start is having the awareness of the problem. Also, therapy is highly recommended because the therapist is trained to help one deal with these fears of abandonment. There is no easy fix; it takes time to heal inner child wounds.
These are some ways to ease the feeling of abandonment:
Offer inner dialogue affirming safety, support, and love. Envision yourself in a safe space.
Practice self-soothing through breathing, nature, and creativity. A walk in nature can do wonders.
Voice unmet childhood needs, grieve losses, and supply nourishment.
Build a support network of friends independent of romantic partners.
Cultivate self-esteem through accomplishments and social connections.
In relationships, voice fears in calm communication and set healthy boundaries.
These are a few ways to feel better. Though formidable, abandonment fears can absolutely be overwhelming, having a game plan when the strike can be a comfort. Confront core wounds without blame. Commit daily to proving to your precious inner child that they are loved, worthy, and will not be left alone again.
Inner child affirmations
Affirmations are a very good way to undo some of the inner child wounds. Saying these out loud, as often as you can, will help reprogram the subconscious mind, where all of our childhood wounds lay.
Here are some inner child affirmations:
I am in the presence of God and never alone.
I am nurturing my inner child with love.
I am safe and secure in my environment.
I am always in a loving space with the spirit within.
I am loved by family and friends.
I am loved by myself.
I am in a loving relationship with someone who will not abandon me.
These are a few affirmations that you can say out loud often, or you can make up your own unique affirmations.
In closing, I want to reiterate that awareness is the key to healing inner child wounds. Therapy is also imperative to help you heal. Reaching out to a therapist is not a weakness, but a way to strengthen yourself. It’s important to have someone that really understands. A life coach well versed in inner child can also be a blessing. Wishing you much healing.
If you feel like you need help, I offer life coaching, and can help you with reparenting your inner child and other areas you may be struggling with in your life. I offer a free coaching session.
Rachel Devine is the author of a new inner child book called, Discover the Power of the Secret Within - Healing your Inner Child to Manifest your Dreams. This book is available now on Amazon.
Devine Intervention - Inner Healing Center.
If you have any questions, please contact Rachel Devine.