How to Heal your Inner Child: 7 Step Guide Rachel Devine
The inner child, carrying emotional scars and false beliefs from childhood, drives many of our adult behaviors unconsciously. By learning to identify, listen to, and re-parent your inner child, you can heal past wounds for greater well-being. Make no mistake about it; I truly believe we all have inner child wounds that erupt during stressful, angry times in our lives. No one is immune from the terror of the inner child. The astonishing fact is that most of us are totally oblivious to the pandora’s box of horrors that resides within each and every one of us. Of course, there are different degrees of inner child fury; some are more intense than others. Let’s explore this inner child healing in more detail.
Dynamics of the Inner Child
The dynamics of our inner world are pretty intense. However, as I open up the nucleus of the inner child, you will see how easy it really is to comprehend.
What transpired in our childhood determines how we develop as adults. Some of the things that transpired in childhood will plague you as an adult with things like alcoholism, drug or food addictions, anger issues, intimacy issues, fear of abandonment, commitment issues, sexual disorders, continuous relationship failures, narcissism, fears, etc. These issues get embedded in the inner child’s psyche and carry into adulthood. This all stems from the roots that took place with the inner child and what went on in your early childhood.
So, what does it mean when I refer to the “inner child"?
The inner child is our feelings, energies, needs, vulnerabilities, experiences, and neurological imprint on our subconscious. Simply put, the inner child is part of your personality that still feels and acts like a child.
Impact of the Inner Child
“I believe that this neglected, wounded inner child of the past is the major source of human misery." John Bradshaw
John Bradshaw was a brilliant author of the inner child and extremely popular back in the 90s with his incredible book, Home Coming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child.
John knew the dynamics of the inner child because he lived it in his own childhood. The impact of the inner child is a lifetime battle, and it takes some work to get past the dysfunction. The impact can be devastating in love relationships, careers, family interactions, etc. The impact of the inner child can also become intense with adult addictions. Most of us have a void within that was not filled in childhood with love, nurturing, and security. Some of us try to fill that void with food, alcohol, drugs, etc. Some also try to numb the pain of past trauma with an addiction. This is something to be aware of in order to heal.The inner child can also cause havoc in relationships and family life. Sometimes stress can trigger events from the past of anger and fear, and a normal argument can turn into a bloody war because the inner child's pain from the past is erupting in the present.
Connecting to the Inner Child
According to psychology expert John Bradshaw, “The inner child must be welcomed, embraced, for better or for worse.” Begin communicating through journaling, recording dialogues, or meditations. Let your inner child express its pains and needs to you. The first step to healing is awareness. Become aware of this inner child that is longing for reparenting.
Bradshaw advised: “Do your best to provide the child within you what your parents couldn’t provide.” Offer soothing words, forgiveness, encouragement, and unconditional support to your inner child when it shares its hurt. Visualize cradling and nurturing your inner child.
You can also meditate on being with your inner child. John Bradshaw boldly asks us to go back to our childhood home. You can do that in a meditation and embrace your inner child with love and comfort.
Inner child therapy
Therapy is the key to healing the inner child. Brainspotting is a technique that helps clear the subcortical brain, where the trauma or past experiences live, so healing can begin. There are lawyers of embedded past experiences in the subcortical brain that is part of the subconscious mind. Therapy is a way to clear this one layer at a time. Therapy can also give you a place to talk about your inner child and be in the presence of a professional therapist who can guide you in the right direction of healing.
Subconscious mind
The subconscious mind holds all our past experiences, traumas, and feelings. We are not conscious of what is going on there, but this is where the inner child's feelings live. This is the trigger point during stressful times that unleashes the inner child fury. There are other ways to clear some negative experiences from the past and also fill the void within. The more you can clear your subconscious of past hurts, negativity, anger, and fears, the more your life will move in a positive direction. Feeding your subconscious positive affirmations also helps.
Clearing the subconscious
One way to help clear some negativity from the subconscious is through positive affirmations. Saying them often will offset the negativity from the past. Just say some positive affirmations over and over again in your day. A few examples are that I am loved, I am successful, I am beautiful, or I am happy. Visualization is another way to impact the subconscious, and the most powerful time is at bedtime because you are going from a subconscious to an unconscious state, which is powerful for penetrating the subconscious. Visualize one image of what you want to heal in your subconscious. Let’s say you are addicted to food or alcohol. You would put one image in your head of being free from alcohol, or if you want to lose weight, an image of you being slim and healthy. Fall asleep with the feeling of well-being and feeling healthy, happy, and loved. This visualization will leave positive imprints on your subconscious mind. Do this for at least 30 days and see if you feel better and stronger. You can do this with anger issues or fear. Just use the opposite positive emotion, see the image in your head, and fall asleep with positive thoughts. For instance if you want to get rid of anger, see yourself in an image of being calm, kind, loving, and peaceful. If you want to get rid of fears, see yourself feeling loved, courageous, in the loving arms of your higher power, whom I call God. Being in the presence of God will help you feel less fear, because love and fear cannot reside together and God is love.
Cultivate Self-Love
Lack of parental love creates inner emptiness. Now consciously shower yourself with self-love and positive affirmations. Build the unconditional self-love your inner child craves. Cultivating inner love for yourself is a very positive way to heal the inner child. Too often, we resonate with negative thoughts about ourselves that actually come from our childhood. Change those self-defeating thoughts to ones of love. Self-care is also crucial, so do good things for yourself daily, or at least a couple of times a week. I suggest you get a picture of yourself as a child and put that picture where you can see it and tell yourself every day, “I love you.”
John Bradshaw described inner child work as: “Learning to love yourself is the greatest gift you can give yourself.” Extending compassion and care inward dissolves old wounds, so your healthiest self can shine through.
In closing, remember that you have the power to change your inner world into one of joy. You have the power to regenerate yourself with nurturing, love, and compassion. If you start to do inner child work, you will see that your relationship with family and friends will improve. However, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself, and when that improves, your whole world becomes a better place to be.
Rachel Devine is the author of, The Third Road & Lessons from the Needle in a Haystack and has a new book coming out soon, Discover the Power of the Secret Within, that explores the inner child and subconscious mind for healing.