7 Steps to Reparent Yourself for Inner Child Healing - Rachel Devine
Many of us carry wounds from childhood—whether from absent, critical, controlling, or even abusive parenting. As adults, we may still hear these hurtful voices from our past, undermining our self-worth. When negative voices come of of left field, you can be sure it is coming from the wounded inner child. The good news is that it is possible to "reparent" and care for your inner child through understanding, compassion, positive affirmations and mindfulness. With commitment to the following steps, you can transform old beliefs and finally give yourself the nurturing you deserve.
Many of us carry wounds from childhood—whether from absent, critical, controlling, or even abusive parenting. As adults, we may still hear these hurtful voices from our past, undermining our self-worth. When negative voices come out of left field, you can be sure it is coming from the wounded inner child. The good news is that it is possible to "reparent" and care for your inner child through understanding, compassion, positive affirmations and mindfulness. With commitment to the following steps, you can transform old beliefs and finally give yourself the nurturing you deserve. It is possible to reparent yourself to heal your inner child.
Here are 7 steps to reparent yourself for inner child healing.
1. Get to know your inner child
Start by reflecting on what you were like as a child. What was your temperament? What brought you joy, and what were you sensitive to? What were your interests and talents? What did you need that you perhaps did not receive? By understanding yourself better at younger ages, you can learn how to meet those needs today. Journaling in this area is a great way to get in touch with your inner child and feelings from the past.
2. Communicate love and acceptance
Practice self-compassion by writing letters to yourself at various ages. Tell these different stages of your inner child that you love them unconditionally, not for what they achieved but simply for who they are. Assure them they are enough just as they are. Use some positive words to affirm your inner child like, you are smart, you are beautiful, and you are worthy. This helps release old unsubstantiated shame. Motivational quotations can help too.
3. Identify and validate emotional wounds
Notice when difficult emotions arise in your daily life. Or when the negative voices infringe on your day. Instead of ignoring them or reacting with anger, listen to these voices and understand where they came from. Link them to past rejections, loneliness, betrayals, experiences, trauma or abuse. Say out loud to your inner child, “What happened to you was not fair. I’m here now to support and love you.” Any positive words of support will change the inner feelings that are negative.
4. Learn to meet your needs today
Make a list of what your inner child still hungers for, whether it’s touch, encouragement, love, rest, or play. Brainstorm specific ways you can nourish yourself each day. It may help to picture speaking to your inner child and asking what he or she needs right now. In fact, get a picture of yourself as a child and communicate directly to the picture. It’s easier to love yourself if you can see a picture of you as a beautiful or handsome child. Ask yourself these questions:
What do I want?
What will make me happy?
What can I do to make this happen?
5. Practice positive self-talk
Children believe what adults tell them about themselves. If your parents were critical, rather than echoing those harsh voices from the past, begin building yourself up. Look in the mirror each morning and counter old negatives with truthful positives, for example: “I am worthy. I am capable. I am loveable.”
6. Artistic therapy
A great way to connect with the inner child and do some reparenting is to have some fun through art. Get a coloring book and crayons and have fun with it. Or get some oak tag and draw pictures or create a vision board that outlines how much you are loved and valued. Use positive words, pictures and drawings to create a vision board of self-love and care. Any creative way you choose to bring fun and love into your life will bring you joy and fulfillment.
7. Positive affirmations
Using positive affirmations is an excellent way to reprogram the mind to a positive state. It’s a perfect way to reparent yourself. Saying positive affirmations over and over will override the negative thoughts in your head. Just write out some positive affirmations on some post-its, post them where you can seem them and say them out loud as often as you can. Some affirmations are, I am loved, I am worthy, I am value, etc. Anything you say after the two words, I am, has to always be positive in order to change the mind to a positive state.
Conclusion
Our upbringing definitely shapes us, but it does not define our future. Appreciate the small steps forward on your journey of reparenting. Building new neural positive pathways can gradually transform feelings of unworthiness into empowered self-acceptance. You can create the safe, nurturing home within yourself that you always deserved. Inner child wounds take time to heal. If you feel like you still need help, I offer life coaching, and can help you with reparenting your inner child and other areas.
Rachel Devine is the author or a new book on inner child called, Discover the Power of the Secret Within - Healing your Inner Child to Manifest your Dreams. This book is available now on Amazon.
Ways to Recognize when your Inner Child Sabotages your Relationships-Rachel Devine
The wounded inner child, carrying baggage from past hurts or abandonments, often undermines romantic partnerships unconsciously. This is a very scary notion that there are aspects of each and every one of us that we are not aware of. By understanding your inner child’s dynamics and the way it acts out, you can heal its pain and break free of relationship-destroying patterns. But only when you can understand it, can you really heal its fury and live a happy life. Inner child healing starts with you.
The wounded inner child, carrying baggage from past hurts or abandonments, often undermines romantic relationships unconsciously. This is a very scary notion that there are aspects of each and every one of us that we are not aware of, which can destroy a relationship. By understanding your inner child’s dynamics and the way it acts out, you can heal its pain and break free of relationship-destroying patterns. But only when you can understand it, can you really heal its fury and live a happy life. Inner child healing starts with you. And make no mistake about it, we all have an inner child that causes havoc from time to time. Furthermore, those who are just ‘unlucky in love,’ might see a pattern from childhood to adult relationships that explains this dilemma. If you are dating and meeting the same type of dysfunctional person, with a different face, it’s time to look at the inner child. Awareness is the key to solving any issue. Let’s explore all of this together.
Defining the Inner Child
According to psychology pioneer Carl Jung, the inner child represents our instincts, vulnerabilities, feelings, and unmet needs from childhood. John Bradshaw, an expert in the inner child and author of Homecoming, further defines it as “the accumulation of all unmet childhood needs and wants that make up the childhood energies still expressing themselves in our adult lives.” John Bradshaw was an advocate for reparenting our inner child.
This inner child dwells in the subconscious mind, influencing behaviors independent of adult awareness. Our reactions to romantic partners frequently reflect the inner child’s projections. To be clear, the subconscious mind is like a vast memory bank holding all of our past traumas, experiences, and feelings from our inner child. During times of stress or triggers, the subconscious mind or inner child lashes out in very unexpected ways that are often unexplainable.
Inner Child Dynamics
The inner child dynamics are not complicated. There are 4 stages of infancy development. Let’s look at these stages:
The first stage is the infancy stage. This is the co-dependent stage from 0 to 2 years old, where we are completely dependent on our parents for survival. This is the stage where we need a lot of care, nurturing, and love. It’s a time in our lives when we depend solely on our parents for survival.
The preschool age from 2 to 4 years old is the stage of counter-dependence. This stage is often referred to as “the terrible twos.” This is a time when the child wants and needs to assert their ability to interact with their environment. The child is gaining his or her autonomy through co-dependence.
From 4 to 7 years old, there is the independence stage. At this time, a child is becoming independent and doesn’t need his or her parents to do everything, and the child becomes more independent of them.
At seven years old, the child is at an inter-dependence stage of being, which is much more independent from their parents than previous years, and pretty much can do most things for themselves.
All these developmental stages are a crucial time in a child’s life, and if a child does not get their fundamental needs met, there will be issues that develop later on in adulthood.
How we learned to love from birth to seven years old in our family of origin will determine our subconscious imprint that gets embedded in our brain. These imprints will determine who we connect with as a partner. When we get into adulthood, we attract those people who fulfill our innermost subconscious needs. This imprint from childhood is what we subconsciously navigate with when seeking out a partner in life. This is why it’s important to understand that we attract what we are resonating with. Additionally, this is the reason why most people marry a clone of their mother or father!
Recognizing Inner Child Havoc
Some signs your inner child is sabotaging your relationships include the following. These are all reactions to triggers, which would be a stimulus that elicits a reaction stemming from a negative childhood experience.
Extreme defensiveness or mistrust of your partner’s intentions
Severe jealousy about harmless interactions
Constant need for validation and reassurance
Major mood swings or emotional sensitivity
Fear of enmeshment or losing yourself
Panic when feeling alone or abandoned
Difficulty with true intimacy and vulnerability
Inability to keep a healthy relationship
Extreme anger issues or fears
John Bradshaw explains: “The wounded inner child inside many people can destroy loving relationships. Your childhood wounds affect your relationships.” These wounds stem from the inner child’s neediness. This is due to not getting your fundamental needs met as a child, from infant to 7 years old. It is a good idea to explore this time in your life and what transpired. The patterns in our family of origin are usually what we bring into our relationships, friendships and work environment.
Healing your inner child
To short-circuit destructive inner child responses, self-awareness of the triggers through mindful observations of your emotions and reactions is key. The first step is to be aware of the problem and not ignore it. Then intentionally reframe your self-talk. It’s hard to do this in the heat of the moment, but reflecting back on the conflict you had with your partner is key to awareness because you can look at it during a calm time and adjust your actions in the future.
As an example, if abandonment wounds cause you to interpret your partner’s business trip as intentional neglect, remind yourself, “This is my inner child projecting past fears of abandonment. My partner loves me and is coming back.” Recognizing a pattern from childhood that correlates with the adult situation is the first step to healing.
For instance, if your father was working all the time when you were a child, you may have developed fears of abandonment, so your partner going on a business trip could trigger these painful feelings from childhood. Remember, all of your traumas and experiences are locked away in your subconscious mind and will get triggered when stressful events happen that jolt those inner child feelings. When you identify a pattern, you can go back to the time of the trauma from childhood and comfort and love your inner child in a meditation. John Bradshaw boldly suggests we go back to your childhood home and visualize your inner child in pain and comfort him or her. It is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.
Self-love
Self-love is crucial to having a healthy inner child. Cultivating secure relationships also involves reprogramming core relationship beliefs in your subconscious mind—for example, that you are worthy and loveable. Visualization, affirmations, and therapy can help instill self-reliance, regardless of your partner’s proximity or validation. It all starts with a firm, loving foundation in your relationship with yourself. Healing the inner child is crucial, and so is this inner child work. You have to be the one who is strong in your own skin, and it’s important to develop a good-loving, secure relationship with yourself. You can do this with daily affirmations and visuals of being strong alone, so when you are alone, your subconscious will draw on the visualization. I used to do a meditation where I would sit on my higher power’s lap as a child. In my case, I proudly call my higher power God. In this meditation, God would instill in me that I am worthy and loved, and I can never be abandoned because His spirit dwells within me. Of course, you have to use the higher power of your choice. Just imagine your higher power telling you how valued and loved you are, and give you assurance that you can never be abandoned.
Positive Affirmations
These positive affirmations are a good start to changing the negative subconscious to a positive one:
I am happy.
I am loved.
I am strong.
I am secure in my own skin.
I am at peace.
I am a child of God.
The more compassion, understanding, love, and stability you extend to your inner child directly, the less it will act up unconsciously in your relationships. It is like reparenting yourself with much love. You deserve that peace and stability. Using positive affirmations daily is a good start.
In closing, the inner child is a multifaceted issue and really does demand your attention. It is important to explore your inner child, who is very real and a very big part of your life, and try to see the patterns of self-sabotage when they happen. It will help your relationship become happier. Remember, awareness is the key to overcoming any obstacles in life. Having a loving relationship with yourself is the single most important thing you can do to heal the inner child.
Rachel Devine’s new book, Discover the Power of the Secret within - Healing your Inner Child to Manifest your Dreams, is on Amazon now.
Ways to Recognize when your Inner Child Sabotages Your Relationships - Rachel Devine
The wounded inner child, carrying baggage from past hurts or abandonments, often undermines romantic partnerships unconsciously. This is a very scary notion that there are aspects of each and every one of us that we are not aware of. By understanding your inner child’s dynamics and the way it acts out, you can heal its pain and break free of relationship-destroying patterns. But only when you can understand it, can you really heal its fury and live a happy life. Inner child healing starts with you.
Our relationships are precious. The wounded inner child, carrying baggage from past hurts or abandonments, often undermines romantic partnerships unconsciously. This is a very scary notion that there are aspects of each and every one of us that we are not aware of. By understanding your inner child’s dynamics and the way it acts out, you can heal its pain and break free of relationship-destroying patterns. But only when you can understand it, can you really heal its fury and live a happy life. Inner child healing starts with you. Furthermore, those who are just ‘unlucky in love,’ or can’t meet the right partner, might come to see a pattern from childhood to adult relationships. Let’s explore all of this together.
Defining the Inner Child
According to psychology pioneer Carl Jung, the inner child represents our instincts, vulnerabilities, feelings, and unmet needs from childhood. John Bradshaw, an expert in the inner child and author of Homecoming, further defines it as “the accumulation of all unmet childhood needs and wants that make up the childhood energies still expressing themselves in our adult lives.” John Bradshaw was an advocate for reparenting our inner child.
This inner child dwells in the subconscious mind, influencing behaviors independent of adult awareness. Our reactions to romantic partners frequently reflect the inner child’s projections. To be clear, the subconscious mind is like a vast memory bank holding all of our past traumas, experiences, and feelings from our inner child. During times of stress or triggers, the subconscious mind, or inner child, lashes out in very unexpected ways that are often unexplainable.
Inner Child Dynamics
The inner child dynamics are not complicated. From birth to 7 years old is a crucial time a child has to get their needs met, and if they don't, they grow up to be needy adults.
How we learned to love from birth to seven years old in our family of origin will determine our subconscious imprint that gets embedded in our brain. These imprints will determine who we connect with as a partner. When we get into adulthood, we attract those people who fulfill our innermost subconscious needs. This imprint from childhood is what we subconsciously navigate with when seeking out a partner in life. This is why it’s important to understand that we attract what we are resonating with. Additionally, this is the reason why most people marry a clone of their mother or father! It’s another way to get our childhood needs met with a partner that resembles our parents.
Recognizing Inner Child Havoc
Some signs your inner child is sabotaging your relationships include the following: These are all reactions to triggers, which would be a stimulus that elicits a reaction stemming from a negative childhood experience.
Severe jealousy about harmless interactions
Constant need for validation and reassurance
Major mood swings or emotional sensitivity
Fear of enmeshment or losing yourself
Panic when feeling alone or abandoned
Difficulty with true intimacy and vulnerability
Inability to keep a healthy relationship
Extreme anger issues or fears
John Bradshaw explains: “The wounded inner child inside many people can destroy loving relationships. Your childhood wounds affect your relationships.” These wounds stem from the inner child’s neediness. To reiterate, this is due to not getting your fundamental needs met as a child, from infant to 7 years old. It is a good idea to explore this time in your life and what transpired. The patterns in our family of origin are usually what we bring into our relationships, friendships, and work environment.
Healing your inner child
To stop destructive inner child responses, self-awareness of the triggers through mindful observations of your emotions and reactions is key. The first step is to be aware of the problem and not ignore it. Then intentionally reframe your self-talk. It’s hard to do this in the heat of the moment, but reflecting back on the conflict you had with your partner is key to awareness because you can look at it during a calm time and adjust your actions in the future.
As an example, if abandonment wounds cause you to interpret your partner’s business trip as intentional neglect, remind yourself, “This is my inner child projecting past fears of abandonment. My partner loves me and is coming back.” Recognizing a pattern from childhood that correlates with the adult situation is the first step to healing.
For instance, if your father was working all the time when you were a child, you may have developed fears of abandonment, so your partner going on a business trip could trigger these painful feelings from childhood. Remember, all of your traumas and experiences are locked away in your subconscious mind and will get triggered when stressful events happen that jolt those inner child feelings. When you identify a pattern, you can go back to the time of the trauma from childhood and comfort and love your inner child in a meditation. John Bradshaw boldly suggests we go back to your childhood home, visualize your inner child in pain, and comfort him or her. It is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.
If you are dating and can’t meet a compatible partner, it’s really time to look at the patterns from childhood, how you learned to love, and how that correlates with your adult relationships. The answers lie with the inner child dilemma.
Self-love
Self-love is crucial to having a healthy inner child. Cultivating secure relationships also involves reprogramming core relationship beliefs in your subconscious mind—for example, that you are worthy and loveable. Visualization, affirmations, and therapy can help instill self-reliance, regardless of your partner’s proximity or validation. It all starts with a firm, loving foundation in your relationship with yourself. Healing the inner child is crucial, and so is this inner child work. You have to be the one who is strong in your own skin, and it’s important to develop a good-loving, secure relationship with yourself. You can do this with daily affirmations and visuals of being strong alone, so when you are alone, your subconscious will draw on the visualization. Just visualize a positive feeling of safety and love.
Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are a good start to changing the negative subconscious into a positive one.
I am happy.
I am loved.
I am strong.
I am secure in my own skin.
I am at peace.
I am a child of God.
The more compassion, understanding, love, and stability you extend to your inner child directly, the less it will act up unconsciously in your relationships.
In closing, the inner child is a multifaceted issue and really does demand your attention. It is important to explore your inner child, who is very real and a big part of your life, and try to see the patterns of self-sabotage when they happen. It will help your relationship become happier. Remember, awareness is the key to overcoming any obstacles in life. Having a loving relationship with yourself is the single most important thing you can do to heal your inner child.
Rachel Devine’s new book, Discover the Power of the Secret Within: Healing Your Inner Child to Manifest Your Dreams, is on Amazon now.
Devine Intervention: Inner Healing Center