Taming the Terror of the Inner Child: Embracing Peace with your Past - Rachel Devine
We all have a wounded inner child from past experiences. Some of us have a higher degree of inner child wounds than others. The wounded inner child, carrying unresolved hurts and fears from the past, can wreak havoc through self-sabotage, anxiety, fears, rage, or addiction in your current world. It can literally be a terrifying experience to encounter the rage of the inner child. There can be unexplained tantrums that happen because of past experiences that erupt out of nowhere. Your decisions in life can be thwarted by your inner child's fears that you are totally unaware of. You might have an addiction that you can’t break as well. However, making peace with this hurt inner part of yourself brings harmony. With love and understanding, the inner child’s tantrums can give way to tranquility and your life will be happy again.
The Wounded Inner Child
According to psychologist and bestselling author John Bradshaw, “We have the need to be respected and understood by our inner children, who still exert a tremendous influence on our everyday lives.” That inner child lives within all of us. When the inner child feels threatened or invalidated, it lashes out in unconscious ways rooted in old defenses or trauma responses in the present day moment. It wreaks havoc with relationships and family and can cause trouble in your work environment.
For example, the inner child may manifest in the present as excessive people-pleasing due to past neglect or doing good deeds to get attention. The inner child pain from the past can be overwhelming and one might numb their emotions through overeating, alcohol, or drugs. These maladaptive patterns provide short-term relief but long-term suffering. There is always this feeling that there is a gaping hole within, and it needs to be fed with drugs, alcohol, people, food, work, or some other way to numb the pain and fill the void. It’s a vicious cycle.
Bradshaw advises, “We must listen to our inner child to find our personal truth.” Only through compassionate inner dialog can you integrate these fragmented parts back into the whole.
Inner Child Healing Meditation
It takes courage to face wounded parts of yourself, but the rewards of inner peace await. Strategies like journaling, talk therapy, and visualization can help reconcile with the inner child. Meditations are also helpful. John Bradshaw boldy suggest going back into your childhood home and sitting with your inner child as a way to be the loving parent of the child. You can recognize a particular time in your childhood where there was trauma and go back in your mind to reparent and love your inner child, offering support and healing. This meditation will work wonders in your present world and bring you some peace. However, it’s like peeling an onion; there are layers of pain from the past that need healing. This inner child work is crucial. The more meditations you do, the more healing will occur.
Have patience, speak reassuringly, and let the inner child be heard. Help reframe old fears and beliefs that no longer serve your adult growth. The goal is not to banish but to integrate the inner child with compassion into your present-day life.
Love your Inner Child
Love can move mountains and heal the most advanced case of inner child dilemma. Love is the answer. Loving yourself is loving your inner child. We need more love in the world, but we also need more love in our own world. Sitting and nurturing your inner child is the most loving thing you can do. Encourage self-care in your life. You probably do a lot of wonderful things for others; do those things for yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. I suggest you get a picture of yourself as a child, put it where you can see it daily, and tell that child how much you are loved.
Mindfulness
It’s important to see the patterns from childhood that affect your life as an adult. Being mindful of what is happening in your life is crucial. Staying in the moment and really seeing what is happening is important, rather than just getting wrapped up in your daily routine without any contemplation. If you have an outburst or can’t lose weight or stop an addiction, it’s time to shine a light to focus on the origin of the problem. It’s important to see the correlation from childhood and present day issues. When you do connect with that little child, you can open up a whole new world of healing. At times, I can actually feel my inner child raging. Those are the times I need to listen very carefully to because something from my past is coming into my present day to get my attention. The key is to listen to it and then act upon it, with the aforementioned meditations, in calming the inner child through loving reparenting techniques.
Inner child therapy
If you have intense anger issues, fears from the past, or addictions, it is a good idea to see a therapist that specializes in the inner child. Opening up the pandora’s box of inner child trauma can be overwhelming. A good therapist is crucial to inner healing. There are many techniques that help clear the brain of past trauma. One very successful tool is brainspotting. It helps bring out the trauma from the subcortical brain to release it. Once the trauma is released it will not have an adverse influence on you anymore.
In conclusion, you possess everything you need to create internal ceasefires. With care and wisdom, you can guide the inner child to trust life again. With the right therapist, and inner child work, healing is possible. Meet this sacred part of yourself with empathy. Connect with your inner child and be the emotionally supportive parent you may never have had. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have. You have the power to set the stage for profound healing. Once the healing begins, peace will reign in your adult world and you will be free from the terror of the inner child.
Rachel Devine is the author of, The Third Road & Lessons from the Needle in a Haystack, both on Amazon. My new book on the inner child will be out very soon, called Discover the Power of the Secret Within.
Devine Intervention: Inner Healing Center website.